Removing Thorns

If we get a thorn in our finger, our natural response is to pull it out - to eliminate the source of pain. Yet how many of us allow emotional thorns to embed themselves in us without ever acknowledging that we have the right to pull them out? Emotional thorns run the gamut from a relationship that is detrimental to our self-esteem to regret or guilt over something we did or that was done to us. Left unattended, emotional thorns can fester and acutely infect our attitudes.

Erin, whose mother is an alcoholic, is a sad example of the damaging effects of unhealed emotional thorns. When Erin was a child she mothered her mother and didn't receive the nurturance she needed and deserved. As an adult Erin continued to care for her mom, but her feelings towards her turned to resentment and bitterness.

Although externally she did all the right things, internally the emotional thorn of her regret over her childhood experiences grew more and more poisonous to her daily life. Wisely, she sought counseling and learned to gently mother her inner child in ways that satisfied her longing. She plucked from her mind the primary sentences in her regret-litany and replaced them with self-valuing affirmations.

She also learned to set boundaries. Erin's therapist once told her, "You have the right to remove yourself from those who are vexations to your spirit." Today, she limits her care giving of her mother to only that which she can do without resentment. She now supports herself when she is in need and encourages herself to remember that she has the right to remove emotional thorns.

We know who and what is good for us. If we listen to ourselves with appreciation and trust our wisdom, rather than create judgments about our frailties , we'll know when it's healthy for us to remove our emotional thorns, and we'll give ourselves permission to do so.

(The eastern's humanity and compassion is quite different from the western's "tough love". The value has been passed down in generations cultivates different cultures and levels of acceptance. Therefore, the thing you think is right may not be true right for your kids-- No more monkeys jumping on the back?)