As our children (big and small) settle in to the new school year, it is important to be reminded of what constitutes "health" in all of its aspects. As our children are more and more exposed to the effects of global media and pressured to emulate thier favorite star or sports heroes...consider the following.
A healthy self has nothing to do with stardom. Psychological health comes from acceptance starting in early infancy of all that you are, good and bad, dirty and clean, smart and stupid. It is manifested by the ability to appreciate yourself for what you attempt to do as well as for what succeeds. It means recognizing that although you are not perfect you are still worthy of love.
In high school, coaches attempt to strengthen character by telling their charges to do their best and to ignore whether the outcome is win or lose. Our society is so addicted to winnng that such advice is but a weak antidote to the pressure placed on youngsters by hysterical parents, idealizing students, and school officials, all of whose egos need a win to boost their self-image.
To grow up to be a whole person, children need the experience of genuine acceptance, they have to know that they are truly seen and yet are perfect and lovable in their parents' eyes, they need to stumble and sometimes fall and to be greeted by a father's or mother's commiserating smile.
Through parental acceptance, children learn that their "is-ness," their essential selves, merit love. Self-love is learned through identification.
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