Resillent help

"People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyways."

As a college student I took a part-time job as a driver for an elderly man. He was a man of accomplishment, a man who had helped launch a major industry. He was intelligent and his mind was alive, but he was trapped in a body that was no longer working well. Even the simplest activities of daily living were difficult for him and over time he grew to look unkempt and had an unpleasant odor about him.

It was my job to take him to the park, or to dinner, or wherever he wanted to go. I learned to see the world in terms of steps, curbs, ramps, and elevators. My job was to work out his routes so that there would be no stairs. This was thirty years ago, before federal law required ramps for people with disabilities.

We got to be friends and I enjoyed hearing him share his stories and personal accomplishments. What was hard to accept was how upset he became with me all the time. I held his arm too tight or too loose...I picked the wrong table in the restaurant...the food wasn't to his liking...and on and on. Week after week, outing after outing, I was always doing everything wrong. "Geez," I was tempted to say, "I'm only trying to help!" Sometimes I had flashes of anger...but I kept quiet.

One day, while I was waiting for him to get ready to go out, I tried to imagine what it must be like to be in his position. At that moment, it occured to me that his frustration was not at me, but rather at not being able to drive himself around, walk unaided or climb stairs. My friend was upset with life...not with me. Once I realized that, it all became easier. The grumbling didn't stop...but it stopped bothering me.

Most of us need help with one thing or another at one time or another. We need help learning how to do things, how to cope with problems, how to manage our time, our money, and our lives. We need help with relationships, with decisions, with moral dilemmas. Nobody knows it all - or can do it all - alone. Knowing when we need help, and knowing where to find it, are basic to our survival and happiness.

Some people who need help deny it...others who need help resent it. They don't want to be helpless or dependant, or even worse, to appear ignorant. Often, even though their needs are obvious, when you try to offer help, they may react negatively...or even attack you for trying to help. They may be struggling with their pride, may not want to acknowledge that they don't know what to do, or worse unable to accept that things aren't as they would like them to be.

Wherever you turn, there are people who really need help. If you help them and they attack you, the attack may not be personal. They may be angry about their condition, or fighting against their feelings of helplessness or need. Don't let their attacks stop you. Others have helped you from time to time in your life and now it is your turn. Enjoy the deep meaning that comes from assisting others in appropriate ways and improving their quality of life.