WalMart Husband

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her
to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and
get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from
the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from
our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance
equipment.

All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares... and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and
asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and
picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk
if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes
the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"